One of the most damaging words I ever heard growing up was not a curse word, a name, or anything derogatory, it was something intended to encourage and spur me on towards hard work and self-discipline. But an unfortunate consequence of using this word in this context created a prison of which I still am trying to break free.

Perfect.

It was third grade and our teacher initiated a reward system to encourage good behavior– it was a small gold trophy with a plate stating “Student of the Week” given to one who exhibited the best behavior of all their peers. This was before participation awards and the over-praising of children that we see in society today. A trophy back in 1982 meant you did something awesome, something truly noteworthy. And I wanted one. BAD.

Each Friday afternoon at 2:45, we students sat with rapt attention, hearts pounding, hoping to hear our name called.

Week after week, my name wasn’t called. But I could usually recall an instance where I spoke out of turn, failed to follow directions, or had an issue with a fellow classmate. And since I could identify those infractions, I only worked harder the next week to ensure I didn’t repeat those same mistakes.

(more…)